Broken Future
by AngelWithASeraphBlade
Summary: After City of Lost Souls. What happens to Magnus and Alec? Will they be able to deal with what has happened? Or is it all too much? Have the futures of Magnus, Alec and all those who love them been broken? Disclaimer: I own none of this, except for the main plot (CoHF snippets included.)
1. Dying Inside

_**This is a one shot about ****Alec and Magnus after City of Lost Souls. At the moment just a one shot but if you want me to develop it into a story them just review or Pm me. I mean, it would be great if you could do that anyway, I love feedback. Anyway, here you go. **_

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Alec sat on his bed, staring into the darkness, staring into one of the many images that had filled his brain throughout the past week. He had tried to sleep, but it avoided him, and not matter how much he grabbed at it and chased it around in circles it did elude him, like a shadow. There but unreachable, like an incomprehensible distance separated it from Alec, even when it was right around the corner. Just like how it was with Magnus.

_Magnus. _The name hurt, cutting through Alec and leaving his heart in shreds. And then smashing what remained into pieces. The image that stared at him constantly even through this awake darkness was his face the way it had been the last time Alec had seen him. Heartbroken. Filled with an age old sadness lit up by the glowing colours of the witchlight that had been held between them. That shouldn't have happened. Maybe it was because of the love they had used to hold for each other. Or the grief. Or the betrayal. Alec didn't know. He just knew that he had been stupid. He had been an idiot and now he had lost everything he had learnt to love. Everything he nearly lost everything for.

God, he'd even lost his siblings over the past days. He had grown distant, first irritable and then just falling into the darkest despair imaginable. He remembered very little of what had happened after Magnus had ended it all. There were the blurred memories of going to kill Camille, of finding Maureen in her place. Of being such an emotional wreck that he had been able to kill the fourteen year old and watch the light drain from her frightened, mad eyes. He remembered stumbling through the Institute doors, screaming at Jace and Izzy and Clary when they had asks if he was alright. He had sprinted to his room and locked himself away, refusing to eat, to talk. After a few days even his parabatai had given up on him. He was fixed beyond repair. The only thing that could heal his wounds was the one who had been forced by Alec's own hand to inflict them. He had brought this upon himself. He was the only one to blame.

Alec placed his head into his hands, trying as hard as he could not to sob. Shadowhunters didn't cry, but he hadn't been able to control his emotions. He could still see Magnus's face imprinted on his memory, eating him away. This was going to end up killing Jim. Hell, it already was killing Jim. He had barely eaten - he couldn't remember the last time food had passed his lips. He had hardly drunk anything that hadn't been alcohol which instead of taking away the difficult emotions had just amplified them until they had become a new type of unbearable. He had barely slept, and the little rest he had managed to snatch from this awful game his head was playing with him had been littered with once happy memories that now just filled Alec with an emptiness that filled him up and seeped its way into his brain.

He had to do something. He had never wanted to hear the voice of his former boyfriend more, but Jace had smashed his phone up when he had just been calling Magnus over and over and being unable to speak - he may have been able to avoid speaking to Jace but he hadn't been able to stop the boy breaking into his room. At the same time Alec never wanted to hear the voice of the High Warlock of Brooklyn for the rest of his life, however short it may turn out to be. He was just confused and lost and broken. And there was nothing he could do but slowly die waiting for a non existent ray of hope to break into the darkness of his life.

* * *

Magnus lay on the couch, string at the ceiling, Chariman Meow perched on his lap - although he didn't really register the cat's presence. He had just been visited by Jace. Jace, Alec's best friend. Alec's brother. Alec's parabatai. Jace had never been anything to Magnus but associated with Alec. Another painful remainder of the happiest months of his entire 800 year existence. And the single most difficult week.

The boy had been right. Magnus was in an awful way - if he had been his normal self there was no way that take out containers would be littering the place and his face would not have been totally devoid of make up. He had been ripped apart, his heart blown up inside his chest and slowly dying there. He knew Jace wanted him to get back together with his former boyfriend. And he understood the other boy's reasons. But he couldn't bear to do so. He hurt so much, and in the confusion since he had last seen Alec he has forgotten whether that was because of the betrayal he had witnesses or the agony of not having his only comfort to come back and comfort him. He was screwed.

He ran a hand through his normally sparkling and spiked up dark hair. Today, it hung loose around his shoulders, limp and lifeless, much like himself. He was close to giving up. He wanted Alec back so badly, but he wanted to stay away so much that it was killing him either way. Magnus had never lost hope in anything before, not even when things had seemed so difficult that they seemed to have no ending. But here he was, doing just that. Magnus curled in on himself, sobbing for the first time since his father had tried to drown him when he was only a child. He couldn't cope with this. Not anymore. He had had enough.

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**_What do you think? Should I continue this? Or should I just leave it? Review and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading! Lu xxx_**


	2. We Have No Hope

**_I have decided to continue this. Now that it is actually going to be a story, I am going to try and make the chapters a bit longer for you. _**

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Jace sat across the table from Izzy, elbows leaning on the table and hands pressed up against his temples. Izzy had her nose and mouth covered with her hands, so in a significantly similar position to Jace. And with good reason too. This was how they were when they were worried about something. Well, they were more than worried. That was a severe understatement. It was like part of their world was crumbling down and breaking in front of them, and they could do nothing, say nothing that was going to stop from happening. That part was Alec.

Jace had visited Magnus the previous day, to try and talk to him. The place had been a mess, takeout containers spread everywhere and Magnus devoid of makeup or glitter and just slumped on the couch in black jeans and a black tee. It had been an unnatural sight, and if Jace hadn't been so pissed of at Magnus for doing this to Alec he probably would have felt sorry for Warlock. Even if he knew what Alec had done. He had done it out of love for Magnus. And as the Seelie Queen once said, love makes liars of us all.

Magnus had only just let him stay, and when he had let Jace in he had not really seemed to be listening. Jace had told him that Alec was unhappy, and Magnus had had the nerve to ask why he cared about Alec. Alec was his best friend and his brother. Of course he cared. He was one of the most important people in Jace' s life. Jace had tried to get through to Magnus, very aware he was totally miserable, but to no avail. Magnus had refused to talk to Jace, seemingly indifferent to everything. And Jace might have believed him, had he not heard the Warlock sobbing as he made his way out of the apartment.

And so now they both sat here, filled with this overwhelming concern. The only bright thing that had happened since Alec and Magnus had broken up was that they had found Sebastian, and killed him. He had been destroyed after the connection with Jace had been lost. A bit like a parabatai who had lost his other half. Jace didn't feel that way because the rune had been totally destroyed by Micheal's sword, but Sebastian hadn't been able to function properly. He had apparently given himself up to the Clave when they cornered him in Dublin, on his knees begging to be released from life. Maybe what had happened with the sword had had some impact on him. Maybe he had been given a little humanity after all. Either way, Jace didn't give a shit. He was gone, and so now he could focus his entire attention on his brother. If Alec would let him. He lowered his hands, raised his head and latched his gaze onto Izzy's.

"We're going to have to do something, Izzy. Anything. Before Alec..." Jace broke off before he could imagine what awful things Alec could do to himself. What he could already have done. Jace slumped onto the table, head on his hands. He had come back from being in Sebastian's control hoping for things to get better, but instead he had come back to everyone broken over this. And with Jocelyn refusing to let Clary see Jace despite the fact that what he had done had been under the influence of a maniac, Max gone, Robert becoming the Inquisitor and staying away permanently, and Maryse in pieces over the divorce, it was like the only one of all the people that he loved who had remained was Iz. Well, and Simon. Jace had never really liked him, but he had begun to admire him. He had been there for Izzy the entire time Jace had been... away, and he was there for her now. Despite everything. He could tell he loved Izzy. And he could tell Izzy loved him too.

"I know, Jace. I just can't think of what we can do. If there is anything. We tried talking to him, we tried talking to Magnus. I know..." Her voice cracked, "I know that we shouldn't just give up... but I just can't see a way out of this anymore. And it's breaking my heart now too." Silent tears had begun to run down Isabelle's face, as she struggled to maintain her composure. Black from her mascara, the tears looked macabre and sinister. They made Jace shudder. He grabbed his sister's hands in his, lowering them from her face and placing them over the table under his own.

"We have already lost one brother, Izzy. I will not just stand and watch another one snatched from us. We can try again. I know they say that you're mad if you do the same thing over and over expecting the same result... but so what if we are mad. I don't care. I just want Alec back. So let's go to his room and try and get him to talk. And if that doesn't matter, we just sit with him. Just stay there with him so he knows we haven't abandoned him entirely." Izzy nodded.

"You're right. Let's go." The pair of them stood up slowly, the chairs scraping back as they got to their feet."I think we should take him something to eat up as well, Jace." Izzy said, turning back in the doorway to look at him. "He hasn't eaten for... for I don't know how long Jace." She sighed. Jace nodded in agreement, and sauntered over to the fridge as Isabelle set about making him coffee - black with sugar. Swinging open the door of the fridge, he began to sort through the contents to see what was in it, if there was anything that he could bung on a plate and take up to Alec immediately. He grabbed a tub full of pasta, the remnants of dinner last night - none of them had been very hungry, even though Maryse had made it - and grabbed a plate from the cupboard. The lid of the tub was stuck, and a mundane would probably have has difficulties getting it off, but Jace yanked it off with ease. Dumping the entire contents onto the dish and swiping a fork from a nearby draw, he turned to face Izzy, who was holding the coffee. Her hands were shaking awfully, and Jace was terrified she was going to drop it and get scolded all over - easy to heal, but traumatic to go through - so he plucked it from her hands and held it in his own.

"Thanks, Jace." They left the kitchen and began to walk up the long corridors that seemed to last forever. Alec's room wasn't close to the kitchen. They were probably a couple of corridors away when Jace felt this awful tugging at his chest, as if there was a rope pulling at his heart trying break. He screamed and dropped to the floor, the plate and mug smashing around him.

"Jace, by the Angel..."

"Alec!" He swore breathlessly, "Its Alec! Go, Izzy!" Izzy didn't need to be told twice. She sprinted down the hall and out of sight, swearing. Jace stayed on his knees, hands on the floor trying to steady himself. The feeling in his chest wad only getting worse, and he could feel the rope begin to snap, the rune on his chest begin to burn away, as Alec tried desperately to cut all of his ties with this world.

* * *

Magnus knew he needed to get up and sort himself out, because Tessa was returning from the Amazon today and would be coming over at three. As far as she knew, everything was great. Sebastian was dead, and so was Valentine. Last time she had properly spoken to him, rather than by the random text she had sent every so often when she had had signal, everything had been fine with him and Alec - perfect even. He had been the happiest he had been in a long time. He had to keep up the illusion for her. He didn't need her to worry. He wanted her to be happy, not sad for him.

Sighing, he pulled himself off of the sofa - he hadn't been able to bear getting up after yesterday. He had a lot of mess to clean up, and then he had to try and make himself look like his normal self. This may take a while and he had... He looked at an old pocket watch be had kept from his time in the Victorian era. Shit. Twenty minutes.

He quickly gathered up all of the containers, shoving them quickly into the trash and running about trying to fix all the furniture into the right place. He was too exhausted to use magic; he may have slept for a long time, but he had been plagued by nightmares.

_Alec stood stoically on a frozen lake, facing away from Magnus, hair blowing in the wind. He was only a silhouette, pitch black against the lightning filled sky, streaked electric blue and white. The ground creaked under Magnus's feet and he looked down to see that the ice beneath them was only a couple of centimetres thick. He raised his head, and saw that Alec had stayed exactly still, except now a massive pair of wings rose from his back, glittering as dark and slick as oil. Magnus stared as the boy turned around and all light burned from the sky, so that only a ring of light marked out where Alec and his wings were. His blue eyes, the things that had enchanted Magnus the first time, were the only colour in the landscape, glowing bright in the darkness. They stared at Magnus, the emotion in them a mixture of guilt and sadness. He looked hopeless and glorious at the same time. It made Magnus's chest ache. "I'm so sorry, Magnus." The voice sounded awful, like the boy was about to do something awful. Magnus started to walk towards Alec, not caring that the ice was cracking under his feet. He had to stop Alec from doing whatever he had to do. The boy crouched down, one arm on the ground, kneeling on one leg._

_"I'm so sorry. And I can't live with what I have done to you." Lightning sparked up again, highlighting the black tears spilling over his face. _

_"I'm sorry." He whispered, and then he sprang up from the crouch he had been resting in and flew up towards the sky, tears still dripping onto the ice. It splintered open under Magnus, and somehow he knew he was plummeting into the icy darkness of the lake, shooting away from Alec._

Magnus shook the memory and the tears the dream had brought away. The apartment now resembled normal. He glanced at the watch. Ten minutes. He ran into his bedroom, quickly pulling on black skinny jeans with random sparkly patches and a t-shirt that had rips all over it. That would do, it was the normal casual look Magnus prided himself on when he was not really doing anything that day. He decided he needed to look like he'd made a bit more of an effort for Tessa, so he ran into the bathroom to sort his hair and makeup out - at least he still had nail varnish on. His nails were suitably glittering._  
_

Magnus grabbed some gel and spray and quickly spiked up his hair until it looked suitable, sprinkling glitter all over it. Then he grabbed his eyeliner until he had a thick sparkly line encompassing each of his cat eyes, hiding the rings under them pretty well. He was just brushing his lips with a beautifully shiny lipstick that... oh God that had been a gift from Alec... when the buzzer for his apartment went off. He ran out and pressed the button that would allow Tessa to enter the building. A moment later he was opening the door.

She was smiling, and as soon as he saw her he pulled her into a massive hug. He gave a half smile as he drew back, holding her at arms length by her shoulders.

"Well Miss Gray, how lovely to see you!" He laughed with her as they hugged again. "How was the Amazon?" She followed him into the loft apartment, and they slumped down on one of Magnus's sofas.

"It was great Magnus." He smiled, but then saw how she was looking at him and cocked his head to the side.

"What's wrong Tessa?" He asked, staring into her beautiful grey eyes. She looked back at him with a concern in her eyes that filled him with dread. She could tell. He should have known she would, she had known him for so long - she knew him totally. He should have known better than to try and cover it up.

"I was about to ask you the same Magnus Bane."

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_**Okay, so how was that? What do you think? Please review, and thanks for reading!**_


	3. The Ancient Japanese Art

_**Hi. This chapter - will Alec live? What has happened? Can he be saved? And who will do the saving? All coming up, so read on. Reviews are greatly appreciated and make me update sooner. Thank you for reading.**_

_**Lu xxx**_

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Isabelle had never run so fast in her life. The two corridors separating her from her dying brother seemed to last forever, and her muscles screamed in protest at the effort that was running through them, but the girl wasn't going to stop until she was by her brother's side, holding his hands and fixing him. If he could be fixed. If he was ali... no. Of course he was. Izzy was not going to think like that. She couldn't. She was his sister and she was going to force him to pull through even if it killed her. Which was ironic really.

She skidded round the corner, barely noticing her hands smash against the wall as she turned, and crashed into Alec's room, panting and leaning on the door, head down in tiredness. She edged her gaze forward - and wished she hadn't. The sight made her blanche and want to throw up, but she controlled herself and edged towards her brother, gingerly crouching at his side and reaching down into her boot for her stele.

Alec was sprawled on the floor in a pool of his own blood, glittering and winking up at her in the fading witchlight that was coaxing the room into a haunting gloom. His eyes were closed but Izzy could see the purple bags surrounding them, spiking at her thoughts, a sign of his insomnia. His cheeks were hollow, his frame fragile, making it clear he had not eaten in a while. What chilled Isabelle the most were his hands. In one was clutched a crumpled slip of paper, the other a long curved blade, shining in the way only demon metal did and stained with the same ruby liquid that covered Alec. This confirmed Izzy's fears that he had done this to himself, although in reality there had never had been any doubt in her mind. And the use of demon metal was bad. It couldn't be properly healed with runes; the effects would only be delayed slightly. So he definitely didn't want to come back to them.

Izzy began to cry, but fought on. She raked his body for the wound, and found a deep gash across his stomach. Izzy remembered learning about this when they had been taught about the Samurais of Japan. Sepuku. The suicide of the warriors after defeat. Alec had completed the first part, cutting the stomach open. So he had taken defeat. But what did he feel defeated about? Well it was obvious, wasn't it. Magnus. He had given up because of Magnus. Damn it. Just screw it all. She hadn't realised just how cut up her brother had been over this - literally. She had just thought him to be sulking badly. This was so much worse. Shit.

She reached forward with her stele, quickly carving iratzes and runes for blood loss over the gash and over his heart, where they would be most effective. They wouldn't stop Alec from dying, just prevent his death for a little while longer. What he needed was a warlock. But Izzy only knew one warlock, and he sure as hell wasn't going to help out now. He was the bloody read on that Alec was in this mess. Isabelle swung her brother into her arms and began to hurry down towards the Infirmary, racking her brains for any solution, anything she could do, anyone she could get to help her. There was the Silent Brothers, but if the Clave found out about Alec's attempted suicide, he could get thrown out of the Shadowhunters, and the archivists would have to notify them. So the only option was a warlock. The only problem was that Izzy had no idea where to find one.

She reached the Infirmary in a matter of minutes and laid Alec down on his back on the nearest bed, determined to fix him. She took the piece of paper still clenched in one hand, making a mental note to read it later, and held his hand whilst thinking about what to do. Suddenly it hit her, slamming into her like a steam train at full pelt. She grabbed her phone from her pocket and punched in the number, biting her lip and hoping that they would pick up. When a voice rang out from the phone Izzy nearly cried in relief.

"Izzy?"

"Clary, please I need your help is your Mom there?" Izzy rushed.

"Um, yeh, give me a sec." Izzy heard someone running and shouting something and then Jocelyn's voice came thorough.

"Hey Isabelle, what's the problem?"

"Jocelyn, do you still have the number of the female warlock who performed the ceremony on Clary when she was a baby?" Isabelle quickly memorized the name and number Jocelyn gave to her before muttering a quick word of thanks and hanging up. She quickly dialled the new number, desperately hoping that the warlock would be able to help - and willing too.

* * *

Magnus had just opened his mouth to explain to Tessa the whole Alec situation and what it was doing when her phone went off. Talk about bad timing. He groaned as she said a small word of apology before drawing her phone out from her pocket and pressing the answer button. Magnus noticed it was an unknown number and groaned again. Unknown numbers meant clients, and the clients of warlocks possessed the annoying habit of taking forever in the phone and then an eternity afterwards. Granted Magnus had eternity, but he had just summed up the courage to speak to someone about his feelings, and he wasn't sure he would be able to do that again. Screw whoever was calling. Magnus listened carefully.

"Who is this?" A pause.

"Yes this is Tessa Gray, who are you?"

"Really? I've been wanting to meet you for a while!"

"What happened? Why?!"

"Sure, I'll be right over, give me a few seconds I'll portal straight over."

"No honestly I don't mind! Just keep strong." Tessa turned to Magnus, furious and concerned.

"Magnus Bane you have a hell of a lot of explaining to do when I get back!" With that Tessa clicked her fingers and stepped into the shimmering blue mass of the portal that had appeared in front of her, swallowing her up. It burst out of existence and Magnus fell against the couch, confused and annoyed. Where the hell had Tessa gone? What had happened? Why was she angry with him? The questions filled his head and began swirling around his mind, picking at him and teasing him, until he got so angry with them, the situation with Alec and the world in general that he slammed his fist down onto the glass coffee table. It shattered into a thousand pieces, but it felt like it was heart and not the table that had been broken.

* * *

Tessa stumbled out of the portal and looked up at the New York Institute. It looked exactly the same as it had the first time she had ever seen it on the outside, but she knew inside it had changed dramatically to suit the tastes of Mayrse Lightwood. Right now however, the only ones home were her three teenage children. And one of them was dying. Tessa was brought back from her memories and rushed forward and in through the massive wooden doors - that was one of the advantages of having Shadowhunter blood, she didn't have to ask entrance.

She ran through the halls desperately until she found the Infirmary. Walking in she saw a girl kneeling beside a bed looking frightened and vulnerable. This must be Isabelle Lightwood, the girl who had frantically called her begging for Tessa to save her brother's life, which he had apparently tried to take. She assumed that Alec, the boy she had heard so much about from Magnus, was the brother lying in the bed. Her eyes flicked to him, first processing his black hair - so it was certainly Alec and not the Jace Magnus had moaned about - and then she took in the rest of him, eyes falling on his face. It looked so familiar that Tessa actually began to shake.

"Will." She said quietly. This seemed to make her presence known to Isabelle, who whipped her head around. Her eyes seemed to light up with relief. She got to her feet and hugged the warlock.

"Thanks so much for coming Tessa." Tessa drew back, smiling at the girl. Inside she was furious at Magnus not being the one called - he was dating Alec, surely he should be helping the Lightwoods?

"So what happened to Alec?"

"Well, he has been torn up since he broke up with his boyfriend, and we were going to speak with him today when Jace said he felt Alec dying - they're parabatai - so I ran and found him in a pool of blood, his stomach was cut open and I managed to delay it but if you don't help he is going to die..."

Tessa nodded and moved to Alec's side. He indeed had a gash over his stomach, and she could tell straight away that it was made by a demon metal blade. She reached over the boy, silver flames sparkling through her fingers. She directed them over the boy's injury and used all the strength she could to knit the damage back together. When she was done, she drew back from the boy and slumped on a chair, exhausted. She was relieved to see that the boy's breathing way stronger and more regular, and could feel that his heartbeat was too. She turned to face Isabelle, who had been pacing and nibbling at her nails whilst Tessa had worked on Alec.

"Isabelle..." Isabelle walked towards her nervously.

"Call me Izzy." Tessa nodded.

"I have healed up the wound, but he will still be weak for a few days and probably won't wake up for another couple of hours." Izzy looked relieved and flashed a smile at Tessa, which she returned.

"Now, would you be so kind as to tell me what happened between Magnus and Alec?" Tessa asked, not unkindly. Isabelle gulped.

"You know about Magnus and Alec?"

"I'm Magnus's best friend. And he has told me nothing of this."

* * *

Jace gasped as the awful feeling that had wrapped its way around his heart released its grip and slithered away into the darkness. It felt like it was still lurking away, waiting, but for now it was gone. If it ever came back he was going to stamp on it. He may even borrow Izzy's heeled boots. The feeling had subsided a little bit, earlier on, and luckily that had been just at the point that it had been sawing at the last link he had to Alec. Now, the feeling had stopped gnawing at the bond altogether, and Jace felt able to get to his feet, shakily but refusing to fall again.

He made his way to the Infirmary, where he was sure Alec had been taking, drawing in deep breaths on his way to steady his breathing and hopefully stop the shaking that was running through all of his muscles. He reached the door and stood outside it to gain his composure and listening for a moment.

"...and Alec had already declined her offer and was just going to Camille to talk about Magnus with someone who knew him very well, but Magnus still felt betrayed and... and that's how it came to this. Alec was distraught, more distraught than Jace and I knew and..." Jace walked in to see a concerned Izzy talking to a tired looking girl with brown hair and beautiful grey eyes. She looked a bit familiar, Jace didn't know why. Izzy turned her head towards Jace, and realizing it was him smiled and beckoned for Jace to come over. He drew a chair and slumped it backwards, leaning his arms on the back.

"Jace, this is Tessa Gray; she's the one who healed Alec, and performed the ceremony on Clary when she was younger." Jace nodded in recognition and held out his hand.

"Jace Herondale." Tessa stared at him dumbfounded, and shook his hand weakly.

"Hey, are you alright Tess?" Izzy asked. Tessa froze at that just as she had frozen at Jace's name. Then quite out of the blue she pulled Jace into a hug. Drawing back, she looked a bit apprehensive, but was beaming widely. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear nervously.

"Yes, it's just...Well..." She swallowed. "Jace is my great great great grandson." Jace felt his jaw drop. So that was why she looked familiar. Izzy looked curious.

"I thought warlocks were infertile?"

"They are. I am half Shadowhunter though, and was conceived under the protection of an angel, so I'm a bit different." Jace began to say something, but stopped abruptly when the hand had subconsciously grabbed at some point during the conversation grabbed back. He turned to see that his brother's eyes were opening and staring desperately and hopelessly up at Jace. The boy looked so vulnerable.

"Alec!"

"Jace."

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_**There you go. I hope you enjoyed it! The better response I get, the sooner I will update. Thank you for reading/following/favouriting/reviewing, it makes me happy.**_

**_Lu xxx_**


	4. Catch Me

_**Morning/afternoon/whenever all! Hows are you? I am sorry it has taken this long for me to update, but I was in Austria skiing, and I had no WiFi. Lets just say make sure you always go to a place with WiFi. It was torturous. But now I am back, and here is your update. To Cas - there will be no soul eating today, as I have written you a new chapter! Enjoy! xxx**_

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"Jace." Alec looked up at his parabatai. He wished he wasn't looking. He wished that the darkness he had been desperate for had taken him. He was so sure it had for a moment, and then he had felt the stele and the slender but strong arms lifting him. The darkness had fought to be at his side, and it was just crawling back to him in the way the sea crawls back before a tsunami when he had felt the slight tickle of flames surrounding his body, and stench of burnt sugar filling him up and nearly making him choke. He had forced his eyes closed, screaming at the darkness, willing it towards him, but it sank back into the light. He had given in, and peeled his eyes back, squeezing slightly at the hand wrapped around his at the shock of waking up. Now he was staring at three pairs of eyes - gold, almost black and a storm color that seemed both momentary and endless. So this was the warlock who had saved him. He had had no doubt that it hadn't been Magnus, why would he save the boy who had threatened to destroy his existence, but he was curious as to who this girl was. He didn't ask though. He just let a single tear drop down his face.

"By the Angel, Alec, thank goodness you are alright!"

Izzy swooped down and pulled him upwards into a massive hug. He returned it hesitantly, his hand slipping out from Jace's and placed on his sisters back. He noticed that although he felt ridiculously weak, he was no weaker than normal and the injury to his stomach was no longer there. He cursed inwardly but said nothing, instead simply burying his now tear lined face into the crook of Isabelle's neck. When Izzy drew back, Alec noticed that the girl had gone and Jace was standing in the doorway, presumably looking after her, with a confused look on his face, along with something else that Alec just couldn't place. He didn't have long to ponder over it though, because Izzy had already begun her gentle interrogation - if interrogations could be gentle.

"Alec, why didn't you talk to us?" Because she already knew why he had done it. That was very obvious. Now she was adopting that betrayed voice designed to make Alec feel guilty. Great. Because he totally wasn't filled up with the damn stuff already. Absolutely not.

"Maybe I just didn't want to be a burden." He said, raking his hands through his hair and pulling hard, trying to clear his head. How could he explain that he just didn't want to hurt them in the same way he had hurt Magnus? They would tell him he was silly, that no matter what he did he could never do that to them. Well, that was what Magnus had said, and look how wrong that turned out to be. Now Alec was broken, Magnus was broken, the whole flipping world was broken and it was all Alec's fault. The world would be a much better place without him.

"Alec, you could never be a burden!"

Jace turned round as Isabelle's voice shot up in pitch and volume. She grabbed Alec's hands, still sitting on the bed with her legs dangling over the sides, worry and hurt filling her eyes so that they almost flashed a blue color. It was bizarre, and only ever happened when she was very emotional. Again, the guilt. Alec just wanted it to go away. And that had almost happened. And his siblings had stopped it, and were now making him feel worse. But he couldn't be angry at them, because he loved them too much, and he knew that they had only done it out of love for him, and a need for him as well. It made him feel oddly touched and happy to know that he still meant something positive to someone at least. Well, two people. Alec was snapped out of his reverie by Izzy's piercing voice. She was obviously nowhere near done.

"And even if you were a burden, it would be our duty to carry you. Hell it would be my pleasure, Alec, if it could make you happy again." She stared with only love now into his eyes, any other emotion wiped. This was what it meant to be a sibling. Alec was glad he had her. Maybe this time she could help him survive. Live again, even. Maybe she would be his guardian angel. Maybe she already was.

"This is all that stupid warlock's fault!" Jace was slumped over the back of the chair again, parallel to the bed and looking away from his parabatai, looking angry and confused. Alec didn't know who the girl who had healed him had been, but somehow he felt that she was the reason for his funny mood. Still, that was no excuse.

"No it isn't, Jace!" Alec retorted harshly, sitting up straight now. Jace's head snapped around to face Alec.

"Of course it is..."

"No! No, this is all my fault! I brought this on myself! I wouldn't be happy for the moment!I refused to look at what we had then rather than what could happen in the future! I believed that our love was damned, and I believed it would end prematurely, and because I refused to look at it in any other way I made it true! I am the one to blame! For breaking my own heart, and for destroying Magnus. So don't you dare blame him, Jace. He has done nothing wrong!"

This knocked both Jace and Isabelle speechless. His brother ran his hands ran his hands through his hair, heartbreak written all over his face. Without warning, he stood up and threw the chair he had been perched on across the room. It fell and splintered, and Alec felt like it was his heart that had fallen and crashed rather than some measly piece of furniture. As Jace stormed from the room, tears visible in his eyes, Alec drew his knees to his chest and placed his forehead on them in a defeated manner. Isabelle tried to place a hand on his shoulder but he shrugged her off and she drew back, still half expectant. She tried again, and this time Alec allowed her hand to stay. But it offered no comfort.

"This is all my fault Iz. I've broken myself, I've broken this family. I've broken Magnus. And it's not like Jace didn't have it tough anyway with Clary and her mom. I've actually torn my parabatai apart instead of sheltering him from that sort of harm, Izzy. What sort of person am I?"

"Alec, this isn't you speaking, you've just had it tough recently and your acting differently because of it..."

"This is me now. It may be different to who I was before, but I am not the same. I'm a failure, and I don't want your sympathy."

"You can't punish yourself like this Alec, it won't do anyone any good." She said this gently, not accusingly.

"I do no one any good just existing. I punish myself because it is what I deserve. I don't deserve to die. I deserve to suffer forever for what I have done."

"Alec..."

"And don't think I pity myself either, because I don't. I only feel the guilt of this. Of what I have done to everyone I love."

"Alec, you haven't broken us. I refuse to break, because I have to stay strong for you and Jace and Clary. Jace is breaking himself by not standing up to Jocelyn, and he hasn't been standing by you like he should, so actually he has caused himself to be broken by the situation. Our parents have managed to screw themselves up grandly without any input from us. And Magnus... well you may have done something awful to him, but he could have handled it different. You could have talked it over. Tried to fix it."

"What are you saying Izzy?"

"That although you are partly to blame, you're not the only one at fault. You aren't the only one on whom the blame should be laden. You are just the one who has seemed most guilty simply because you are the one who has accepted the most guilt yourself. And hey, you haven't seen Magnus. He may be feeling as awful as you seem to be."

"I guess. But I still shouldn't have done that Iz."

"No. You shouldn't. But we cannot change the past; we can only hope to fix the future. All may seem broken, Alec, but only broken things can be fixed. Okay?"

"But will you help me pick up the pieces Iz? Do you still have enough faith in me?"

Alec looked up dismally. His eyes were crying for help, desperate for Izzy to stand by him and not let him fall further than he had already dropped. This was not where he wanted to be, but it was the only place he could see himself without his sister. If all else abandoned him, all he asked was that she would not let go of his hands, wouldn't let his mind fall fully over the edge again. She had been the safety rope catching him on the brink of destruction this time. He only hoped that she was always there. He looked expectantly up at her, the question haunting his eyes.

"Alec, I would never give up faith in you. Of course I'll help. Don't ever imagine that I wouldn't."

And just like that it became too much for him. He fell into his sister, the sobs that he had been pushing down fell freely now in a way that they hadn't earlier. Isabelle didn't react in shock to this motion, she just accepted it with all of the love that she possessed and held him near. The two had always been close in a way that many siblings weren't, maybe because they relied on each other to save their lives every day in the war with demons, but most probably because they were a pair who truly understood each other. And when you get two people like that, it doesn't matter whether they are related or whether they have moved to opposite sides of the world. They will always be there for each other. And they will always be there to catch the other. They will never let the other fall. And Isabelle was in no way prepared to drop Alec. Not in the slightest.

* * *

Magnus had started smoking a joint when Tessa burst into the apartment, face angry and lined with tears and concern. She stared at Magnus as the joint, disgust written on her face. Seeing it he threw it in the air and burst it into bright blue flames to get rid of it - he was desperate not to piss one of his oldest friends off - but even when the drugs were gone the expression was not. Magnus sighed and stared into those beautiful stormy eyes that he probably would have loved had their owner not given her heart away. They were looking at him with what seemed close to hate now, and Magnus had no idea why. It hurt him more than he could explain, and he wanted to sort it out - whatever it was. He got to his feet and moved towards her, arms outstretched in a questioning manner.

"Tess..." She raised her hand to halt his words.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" Confusion filled Magnus, and he raised an eyebrow at her in question again. He shrugged, his arms still in the same position.

"Tell you _what_ exactly, Tess?" She narrowed her eyes at him, as if she didn't know what he was talking about, as if she thought he was lying. Maybe he was. At this point he didn't know and probably didn't care.

"Oh, you know what I mean!" Magnus shook his head vigorously, glitter shedding on the furry white carpet wrinkling under his bare feet.

"I don't!" Her eyes widened at this, as if she had realized he was telling the truth, or at least what he assumed was the truth. The whole situation was very confusing, and Magnus felt he was loosing it.

"Why didn't you tell me about what happened with Alec?" Magnus stepped back, as if all of the flooding memories he had chased away with the joint had crashed through a dam and smashed right into him.

"Oh, that." He feigned indifference, or tried to. He didn't know how good the act was. "I didn't see how that was relevant. And I was about to tell you before you took that stupid call. Which took ages, by the way. I thought this was supposed to be a day just for us?" Magnus snapped his fingers. A flash of blue later and a bottle of cheap tequila was in his hand. He yanked the top off and took a swig of the vile stuff, tipping his head back as he did so. The alcohol began to flood his senses, and he tried to build a temporary dam for the awful memories that attacked his mind into insanity.

"Yes, well actually this is all very relevant. _Especially_ the call. It was Isabelle Lightwood. Alec tried to kill himself. Because of what happened between you two."

The bottle hit the floor. Shards of glass and liquid flowed over the floor. Magnus froze up and lost control of his muscles totally. He didn't want to believe what he had just heard, he couldn't. Everything was brought back into sharpness by the shock, and the warlock fell to his knees, not caring about the glass slicing his skin and the blood and alcohol seeping slowly into his jeans. None of that mattered. Alec had tried to kill himself. It was his fault. Alec had tried to _kill_ himself. The words spun around in his brain like knives, eating away at his conscience. Tessa was speaking again now but he didn't hear the words, he couldn't make them out, didn't want to. He had done this. He had reduced a Shadowhunter to what they claimed to be - just dust and shadows. He couldn't bear it, he couldn't. He had to do something. He had to stop being stubborn and give his ex a chance to explain while he still could, while he was still in this world. The dream Magnus had had to endure suddenly made a lot of sense. This was Alec actually crying out.

"Oh my God." He interrupted whatever rant Tessa had been on. She sounded surprised. He felt more than saw her gaze on him.

"What?"

"I did this. And I've driven it to the point where they won't even call me to heal him with payment. I've just ruined everything I have built up so carefully for myself because I am too bloody stubborn to listen and to talk to someone who was only doing something for the love he had for me. He loved me so much even when I was so closed, and I reacted awfully to a situation that would have been so easy to prevent. He may have not trusted me enough to speak to me about how he was feeling about the whole thing, but who could blame him, when I clearly showed him no trust. I never opened up to him. I never told him anything that would have reassured him. I made him scared he was going to lose me. And that is why this happened. Because he was terrified of loosing me. Because I was already distant, and he was worried that this distance would only grow as he aged and I didn't. Crap. How could I be so stupid?"

"Magnus..."

"Just go, Tess. I can't bear to be around anyone right now, I'm sorry but I can't face it." He felt her portal away, and as soon as she had disappeared into the swirling blue doorway in the center of the room he burst all of the lights in the place and sobbed into the sunset and the ever growing darkness of the night.

* * *

_**Thank you for reading! I may update again very soon, it depends. Lu xxx**_


	5. I Will Protect You

_**I'M SORRY! I know it has been ages but I've had some real shit happen, plus no inspiration, so yeah. Lovely. Here is your update. **_

_**Cas – did my soul taste good? I'm sorry it's been a while xxx**_

_**Reader7264 – wait and se. More tears I'm afraid, but Magnus is off xxx :p**_

_**Alwayslivestributeandwhovian – I'm so glad you think so! I am touched xxx**_

_**Carlyn – Thank you! xxx**_

* * *

The first thing that Magnus noticed when he woke was the pain. It radiated through him like a drum, coming in great onslaughts and then fading for a second. It pulsed through his body horribly. He had felt pain many times before in his hundreds of years, but this was worse. Maybe it was the meaning behind the pain. Either way, Magnus just wanted rid of it, and didn't at the same time. It was confusing, like a happy memory that you wanted to treasure but that hurt you deep at the same time. Magnus had many of those. Now he had this. He eventually decided he couldn't be bothered to heal himself and sat up.

It was around midday, he guessed, judging by the position of the sun in the sky outside the floor to ceiling windows. It was a cloudless day, the sun beating down mercilessly on the city below it. It glittered in the sun, a sight Magnus would normally have adored, but right now he had much more important things on his mind. Things that needed immediate attention, things that needed to be sorted, things that were breaking him and tearing him apart and threatening to destroy him if he didn't stop this absurdity, this madness _right now. _Well, one thing. Alexander Gideon Lightwood.

He stood up gingerly among the rubble of yesterday. The metal frame of the coffee table stood resolute next to him, surrounded by a field of glass and tequila and blood. It looked macabre, like the scene out of a horror movie, but Magnus really didn't care. He didn't care about anything but Alec in that moment. Alec was his priority. He realised now what he wanted, what was going on in his head. It had become as clear as cut glass – a bit ironic really considering the state of the floor. He had forgiven Alec for his mistake. Alec had deserved to make it, because he was little more than a child, no experience of love, just desperate to keep Magnus and Magnus hadn't even considered that. He was naïve but he had done everything with the best intentions. Any feeling of betrayal was gone. All there was left was regret.

Magnus looked down at himself, and winced. He was a mess. His shirt was now blotched slightly with red, and his jeans were soaked through with tequila and blood, ripped up massively by the shards of glass that had bitten into him. Most of the wounds were still open and dripping the red liquid, but Magnus didn't care. He didn't care about himself at all really, he only cared about Alec. How Alec was. Whether he was still alive. Whether he was getting happier. Whether he could ever be happy again. What had he done to the boy – because he was only a boy – in a random fit of anger, without thinking, without comprehending what it could do to both of them? He was so stupid, so foolish it was unbelievable. He had to fix this, and he had to fix this now.

He ran out of the door, not bothering to lock it or close it, not caring. He nearly slid as he ran down the stairs of the apartment building, not bothering to run his hand along the splintering banister that ran alongside. It would only slow him down, and he had to be as fast as possible. The rest of the journey felt a blur, like it wasn't real. The massive city blocks rising on either side of him, threatening to swallow him as he sprinted forward, pushing through masses of people that shot him with piercing glares. Hurdling the barriers in the subway, jumping down the escalators, crashing in through the doors of the train carriage before they shut. The train sped off, and Magnus clung onto the pole, clinging onto existence. God, how had the High Warlock of Brooklyn been reduced to this?

He was receiving dirty looks from everyone around him. Maybe at his outfit, maybe at the state he was in, maybe because of the fact that he was panting and crying at the same time and looking utterly destroyed. He just let the mundanes around him judge. He deserved to be judged after everything that he had done, and everything that he would do. He was fixing that though. He was travelling away from this judgement and towards fixing the shards. Even if he could never be happy again, he could make sure that Alec would be. He didn't have an eternity to survive the pain, the suffering, the heartbreak. He only had a short mortal lifetime, and he needed to live it. Magnus wouldn't let himself, or the memory of him ruin that for Alexander. He deserved more, so much more. The problem was, Magnus wanted him back. God he was confused now. He wanted Alec to be able to move on from him and be happy, but he wanted Alec so badly too it was unbearable.

After what seemed like forever – and Magnus knew what that felt like – the doors of the carriage swung open to reveal the platform a few blocks down from the Institute. He pushed out in front of the masses of people, his still bare feet – probably should have put some shoes on – not caring if they were sliding about on the polished tiles. The stairs seemed way too far away, but soon he was sprinting up them. He probably could have portalled to the Institute, but this was a journey he felt he needed to take the hard way. He couldn't make it that easy for himself. He emerged into the sunlight, blinking slightly before running the three blocks to the Institute. He needed to get there now, he was so close.

And then the massive gothic cathedral burst into view. It was as majestic as always, the towers and spires piercing the sky in a way that no mundane skyscraper would ever be able to, the greenhouse at the very top glittering mystically. Magnus would never have expected to find himself back here in this century in the days after that awful night in that abandoned subway station, but a few hours had changed that a lot. He just needed to reach the massive wooden door and slam his fists into it and then he would be free from this pain, or at least trying to free himself.

He was just opposite the door, on the other side of the road, when it swung open and a figure ran out. His raven black hair blew as he hurried away from the Institute, not looking back. What was going on? What was Alec running from? The boy hadn't noticed Magnus at all, hadn't noticed anything. There was something seriously wrong with him. A second later, another figure appeared at the door with the same deep black hair flowing down her back, running after him and shouting something incomprehensible, lost to the wind. Isabelle. Magnus was snapped out of his reverie by her shouts and ran after the both of them, bleeding and crying but with a purpose that he had never truly felt before. He may have been alive hundreds of years, but he wouldn't have been surprised if this was the first time that he had truly felt love.

* * *

Alec was running away from his _parabatai_. He couldn't help it, but he had to get away. The things he had said, about Magnus, about how stupid he was, how he had done this, how Alec should have known better than to trust him and how… well, he'd been having a go at all of it. Alec had stood through it for as long as he could, but eventually it had gotten too much and he had screamed some forms of obscenities at him and run off. He had had enough. He knew that Izzy was chasing after him, calling him back, saying that Jace hadn't meant any of it and that he needed to come back because he was still weak after…that. Alec's head was full of words, confusing him, screaming at him, and it was terrifying him. Add that to a betrayal from his own _parabatai _ and he just needed to escape. So he was running.

He felt a jolt of pain in his stomach, but ignored it. He burst out of the Institute and turned out along the street, barely caring that people were probably staring – he hadn't got an unseen rune on, so all of the mundanes would be able to see him running past. He could see faces rushing past, blurred and indistinct. Actually, all of his vision was becoming more and more blurry. He had to stop, but he couldn't, he had to get away. He… okay, now his vision was being invaded by black spots. He stumbled along almost blindly, knocking into people but by some miracle managing to stay on the sidewalk. He felt himself loose control of his legs, as if he was drunk. The pain in his stomach had gotten a lot worse. He reached down to grab it, and when he brought his hand back up he could just about make out a splash of red.

"Alec! Stop Alec, please, you have to come back, Tessa said you're not fully healed yet…"

He felt the blood drip through his fingers, faster and faster every second. Eventually it became too much and Alec ended up doubled over in the middle of the sidewalk. It was becoming more and more difficult to breathe, just like the last time. He felt his muscles shake, stepping forward a couple more steps to try and get away as Izzy caught up with him. He felt her strong hand grip his shoulder tight, trying to spin him around to face her, but he couldn't move. Suddenly it felt like her hand was the only thing holding him up. She let go for a second to come around to face him and he felt his knees give way and hit the hard pavement, the skin splitting slightly. He heard Izzy scream before darkness took him and he lost consciousness.

* * *

Someone's cool hands were teasing his t-shirt up, carefully and slowly. He felt the damp fabric slowly peel away from his skin, and then someone pulling a little harder as it caught on something, or stuck to something, he wasn't sure which. Eventually he felt the breeze on his bare skin, stinging the now open wound, and the cold fingers flinching backwards, presumably at the sight of it. It must be bad. Well, he knew that. He had inflicted it, after all. The fingers brushed it slowly, carefully, and then there was the stinging kiss of a stele. And then again. And again. It was pressed increasingly harder into him, digging almost _too_ painfully – ironic considering the situation – into the tender area around the slash until there was a final cry of frustration and everything, the coldness of the hands and the warmth of the stele.

"By the Angel Alec, why do you keep doing this to yourself?!" It was Izzy's voice. She sounded on the verge of tears. And Isabelle Lightwood never got hysterical.

He needed to wake up, open his eyes, calm her down. But he was enjoying, no craving the blankness, the nothingness and the break from pain that it brought to keep himself under the muffled night time in daytime. But then he really wasn't enjoying listening to her panic, listening to her cry – she was crying now, openly, in public, without an unseen rune or soundless rune, where everyone would be able to see her. That was serious, very serious for Izzy. She was as strong as titanium and as blank as paper when it came to emotions. And because of that, he willed his eyes to open. But no matter how much he did, they wouldn't. They refused to. He screamed in frustration inside his head, but he still couldn't wake up.

He heard vaguely Izzy call out to someone, from what he could make out begging for help, to help save Alec, to help him live. He heard whoever Izzy had been calling to run forward to where he lay on the sidewalk – or maybe he had been moved, he couldn't be sure. Either way, there was suddenly another person next to him, crouching down he guessed, and a new set of fingers, these warm to the touch, tracing the wound. There was a very strange prickling along it, but the pain didn't fade, it felt exactly the same. Alec began to panic. What was going on? What was happening? Why couldn't he just wake up?

"I'm sorry Isabelle, I can't get the magic to work, not here, not now. We need to get him somewhere safe, the Institute is probably the best place…" Wait, did he recognise that voice?

"No, we can't go back there, Jace…"

"Jace won't want me there, okay, um… the Beth Israel? Oh wait, Catarina isn't there, oh God…"

"Your place."

"What?"

"We can take him to your place, right? You can make a portal, you can treat him there…"

"I doubt he would want to be there. Not after what I did, Izzy." His voice cracked. Alec could sense both of them standing, Izzy putting a hand on whoever was there's shoulders.

"Firstly, I wouldn't be so sure about that. Secondly, he has no choice - he's unconscious, remember."

"You know how wrong that sounds?"

"Please just draw the portal!"

There was the sound of cursing, a click and then the whirling tornado sound of a portal being opened. Alec felt strong, familiar arms wrap around him – Izzy's probably – and then felt himself being carried extremely gently through the blue mass to whoever's apartment it was. For a few seconds the air was sucked out of his lungs, his hair and clothes whipped mercilessly around him, and then it was gone. He breathed in in the same way as he had been for as long as he had been out, but it felt deeper. He inhaled the sweet scent of something familiar as he did so. It was odd, and he couldn't place it because he was in a not-quite-unconscious-not-quite-conscious state, but it was definitely a scent he knew and it was definitely one he loved – or had loved. Either way, t was reassuring. He breathed out in an almost sighing manner. The person holding him tensed up, then rushed quickly somewhere. He felt himself being placed gently down on what appeared to be a couch and then someone placing their hands around his face. He felt them disappear and go over the wound again, and the sparks started up again. He heard seven words very clearly. Seven words that touched his heart. Seven words that scared him to death. Seven words that made him indescribably happy. Seven words that meant the world to him.

"Alexander, please wake up. I love you."

There was only one person who called him Alexander.

* * *

_**Enough said. Xxx. If I get to 10 reviews I will update tomorrow.**_


	6. When The Happiness Comes

_**Thank you for the reviews! They are really nice, and now I am updating for you and sticking to my promise (I am nothing if not of my word) instead of revising because you are all epic people! They make me really happy when I read them! If I get 15 reviews by the end of today I may just update again.**_

_**babs4122 – I am really happy you are glad! I am glad too – Malec need to get back together in CoHF, or I will literally have a break down (I am mad, yes! :P) xxx**_

_**Reader7264 – Thank you! I got the inspiration for last chapter from you – I was stuck and then I re-read your review and I knew what to write! Sorry for the tears, but it worked out okay(ish) so I figured they were fine xxx**_

_**Guests 1 and 2 – Thanks for reviewing! Here is your update. If you put a random thing in the name box, like cake or something, I can respond personally xxx**_

_**Guest 3 – he will soon xxx**_

_**Also, just realised something. My already **_**PERFECT **_**boyfriend had black hair and blue eyes, and then last night he told me he was partly from Wales and a poet! He is so like Will it is ridiculous! I love him for being him, but it is also epic that he is like Will! And they said dreams can't come true!**_

_**Anyways, you are probably bored of my rambling now, so I'm going to get on. Enjoy! **_

_**Lu xxx**_

* * *

Magnus. Magnus had come to help him. Magnus had tried to heal him. Magnus had taken him back to his apartment. Magnus had done that for him. And Magnus had said that… that Alec wouldn't want to go there, after what he had done. So he felt guilt? He didn't just blame Alec? Alec's heart missed a beat, and once again he commanded his eyes to open, over and over. The pain in his abdomen had faded slightly, the prickling sensation of magic gone, so he presumed it must be healed, but still he could not wake! Why? There were voices around him now, hushed and tense. Alec suspected it must be Izzy here with him. His sister, standing with him through everything. She was brilliant. He strained through this strange state to make out what they were saying. It was muffled, but he picked up the gist and filled in the missing words.

"Thank you so much Magnus, I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there…"

"But I was Iz. Don't dwell on what could of happened. Dwell on what has."

"Well, it was a lucky coincidence that you were passing the alley…"

"It wasn't a coincidence."

"What? What do you mean?" There was a sharp intake of breath.

"It wasn't a coincidence. I woke up here feeling awful after finding out about what Alec had done, I went to the Institute to try and fix it and I saw him running and you chasing him. He looked upset so… I followed. Thank God I caught up when I did."

"You still love him, don't you?"

"Yes. And I regret what I did. I really do. He was young, scared, no experience of love, and I didn't trust him. As much as he didn't confide in me about Camille, I told him nothing of my past. I can hardly blame him. He didn't want to lose me, he didn't mean to hurt me. And… I shouldn't have been so quick to react. I should have talked to him about it at least. And now I've made him do this. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't either."

"Magnus… I already have. Alec was also partially at fault, and… and you saved him. You didn't just walk off when you saw him running. And you didn't refuse to take him here, somewhere safe. Anyway, you look awful too, I mean what happened to this place?! There is glass all over the floor, you are covered and blood and… crap, Magnus you have shards of glass embedded in your legs!"

"Yeah, well…"

"Magnus, what happened?!" There was a deep breath.

"I got really upset about the whole situation and I smashed the coffee table. Then, when Tessa told me what happened I… I may have been drinking out of a tequila bottle and smashed it…"

"I've done that too. Drunk straight out of the bottle, I mean."

"And then I was so distraught at what I had done that I just dropped into the melee. I woke up like this."

"By the Angel, Magnus! Can't you heal yourself or something like that?!" A sigh.

"Maybe, but I used a lot of energy healing Alec. If I tried to heal myself, I'd probably pass out."

"Magnus…"

The rest of the words faded away. Either the two of them had moved away, or were speaking more quietly, or his consciousness was slipping. No, no, he had to wake up, he had to open his eyes! He struggled desperately but it felt like they were sewn shut. He struggled to open them, struggled to hear what was going on, struggled to not fade into complete unconsciousness, Slowly he was able to hear something, fuzzy and indistinct but as clear as glass. It sounded like crying. Awful, heartbroken crying. The kind that he had become accustomed to hearing from himself over the past few weeks.

"I… I just miss him so much Iz… I love him so much… I can't believe I was so _stupid…_"

That was it. Alec ripped open his eyes forcefully, unable to take it anymore. A hazy light flipped into focus, his vision becoming clearer and clearer every second. He blinked a couple of times. There were still golden, sparkly swirls marring his vision. He blinked again. No change. Oh, wait, that was Magnus's ceiling. He sat up gingerly on the couch, using his arms to support himself. There was a thick bandage wrapped around his abdomen, shielding his wound. It felt a lot better healed than last time, but it still hurt a bit. Alec splayed his fingers across it, then turned his head to the right to see Izzy talked to Magnus in whispered conversation, her arms on his shoulders as he cried. He was a mess – his white shirt was stained red and his jeans looked soaked with blood and something else. He was shivering in them.

The action of twisting to look at the two of them hurt his stomach a little, and he sucked in a sharp breath. It was a small noise, but regardless both of them snapped their heads to face him. Magnus turned away again quickly, placing his head in his hands and making Alec's heart tug painfully. He didn't want Magnus to be upset. Magnus couldn't be upset. He hated that he had done this to the warlock. Izzy on the other hand squealed with happiness and quickly ran forwards around the couch and to Alec's side. For a moment she looked like she was about to bear hug him, but then she faltered, probably because of the massive bandage. Instead she cupped his head in her hands, looking happily into his eyes. In that moment he temporarily forgot that Magnus was still in the room. It was just him and his sister.

"Thank Raziel you're okay Alec! Please never do that to me again!" Alec bent his head down.

"I'm sorry Iz, I just couldn't listen to Jace say all those awful, false things about Magnus, I had to get away and I couldn't think of any other way." Izzy held up a finger to silence him, and tipped his head back up to face her.

"Don't be sorry, Alec. I totally understand. Jace was out of order. I… you just scared me, that's all. I don't want to see you hurt. You're my brother." A silent tear began to roll down her cheek. Alec wiped it away carefully with his thumb.

"I promise I won't do anything like this again, Iz. Don't cry, I'm fine. I'll always be here for you." He let out a shaky laugh. "I can't let you lose another brother, can I?"

At that point Izzy gave up and pulled Alec into a massive hug. He gripped her back tightly, stroking her hair and whispering into it heaven knows what just to calm her down. She was whispering back into his chest about how she loved him and she couldn't lose him and how he was everything to her. It made him smile that she still cared. Eventually both of them drew back, Izzy smiling finally. This time both of them laughed.

"Well, that's settled then. You're not going anywhere." She punched him in the arm lightly, playfully.

"No chance." The sound of footsteps made both of them look up.

Magnus was stood awkwardly on the other side of the sofa, his right hand resting on his left elbow. The blood and wounds looked even worse up close, they terrified Alec with the extent of the red liquid, and his eyes were also red and splotchy, the smudged remnants of makeup running down his cheeks and rimming his eyes in a coal like black mark. On anyone else it would have looked silly, but it just made Magnus look broken. His eyes, the golden green orbs that normally sparkled and radiated energy and a love of life, looked dull and lifeless, devoid of the will to carry on. His soul, torn and empty, was so clear through them that it was unnerving.

"Alexander… how is the wound, does it hurt too much or…" Alec shook his head.

"It feels much better than the last time. Thank you… thank you for saving me." He smiled a little at Magnus. Magnus smiled a little back, but he still looked unbearably sad.

"I'm gonna go call Jace, tell him what's going on…"

Alec nodded at Izzy, and she stood up and left the room. As soon as the door clicked shut he switched his gaze back to Magnus. He was shifting uncomfortably from ones foot to the other, fiddling with his sleeve. It looked so unlike him, it was horrible. He raised his gaze to Alec's. He looked absolutely terrified. Again, really unlike Magnus. He grabbed the edge of the sofa as if for support and looked right into Alec's eyes. He looked guilty, and sorry, and destroyed. If there was a faint flicker of hope in his eyes he couldn't see it. Magnus looked like he had given up, and it scared him. Magnus kept looking him directly in the eye, and spoke.

"Alec, I'm so, so, sorry, I should have been more understanding of you, I should have trusted you more and then you wouldn't have been driven to talk to Camille, I should have listened to you instead of just ending it, I…" His voice cracked, and another tear fell down his cheek.

"It was my fault, Magnus. I shouldn't have gone to Camille, I should have talked to you calmly and rationally without getting angry, I should have tried to sort it out as soon as it became a problem, I am so sorry Magnus. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me now." Magnus's head, which had been hanging down, snapped up. His look could only be described as incredulous.

"How could I _ever _hate you Alec? I love you, I still love you and I doubt that I will ever stop loving you. You are all that I want, and because of my own stupidity I threw what we had away!" Alec looked at him softly.

"I still love you too, Magnus. I never stopped. I tried to die when I thought I had lost you." Magnus came around and knelt back next to him.

"I promise you, I'm not going anywhere now. As long as you want me, I will stay."

"By the Angel I want you to stay, Magnus, I never want to leave your side again." Magnus stroked the side of Alec's face gently, ever so gently, as if he was made of glass. Maybe he was, he felt that delicate now.

"Then I never will again."

"Are you taking me back, Magnus?"

"I should never have let you go in the first place." Alec grabbed Magnus's face in his hands.

"Thank you so much, Magnus. Thank you so much." Magnus smiled up at Alec. He looked genuinely happy.

"No problem, sweet pea."

For once Alec didn't mind the nickname. He was just happy to be happy.

* * *

_**A bit shorter but I think enough said for the moment. Lu xxx**_


	7. We Have All The Hope We Need

**_To Guest 1 – thanks for reviewing, I am glad you liked it. I have checked out the snippets before, they are gorgeous. I want them to get back together and neither dies xxx (the someone dying in the others arms picture is ominous…)_**

**_To Cas – I have sent you a cupcake as well, for being an awesome reviewer! Thanks xxx_**

**_I know I said Sunday, but it was too late to write a chapter when I got to 15 reviews. And then I have had some real shit happen and I just… haven't been able to. So sorry, but here you go now._**

…

Jace was furious. Furious at Magnus for destroying Alec, furious at Valentine and Sebastian for all of the damage they had caused to his family, furious at Jocelyn for refusing to let him see Clary, and most of all furious at himself for doing most of the damage. He had risked his _parabatai_'s life by being stuck up, by shouting, by having a go at him. He had nearly killed him. And he was supposed to protect his life. This was messed up, but Jace couldn't help but feel resentment towards the warlock. He couldn't help but blame him for what had happened to Alec, even though initially it had been Alec to blame for the whole situation, because Magnus could have dealt with it better. Could have talked to Alec about it, sorted it out. What he especially hated was that even after all of this, Alec still loved him. Alec still loved Magnus and would not move on. He deserved so much better than someone who would not understand him, why he had done it. Hell, he deserved someone who he could trust, could talk to about anything. He clearly hadn't been able to do that with the High Warlock of Brooklyn, because he clearly hadn't told Magnus about Camille and her manipulation – that was what had put him in this mess in the first place.

He sighed. He had just come off of the phone from Izzy. Magnus had found Alec and Izzy as his brother was dying, and had taken him back to his loft apartment to fix him up. Jace was just extremely pissed off that Magnus had acted all cold, all indifferent and then was acting like he cared. Getting Alec's hopes up, but giving him no actual idea as to where he stood. It was stupid, it was bloody inconsiderate and it made his blood boil. He would not let Alec fall without the love to catch him. It was not going to happen. It was his duty to stop it. He reached his decision at that, grabbing his favourite jacket off of his bed and stalking out of the door. He was going to put a stop to this infernal madness before it could kick off again. He could not see Alec hurt any more. He would not see Alec hurt any more. He couldn't bear anymore heartache, anymore tears. It just couldn't happen. He slammed the doors of the institute behind him, not waiting to hear them click and smash shut. He was getting to Alec fast, he was saving him now.

The subway was impossibly slow. The streets were impossibly crowded. Jace's brain was screaming at all of these people to get out of the way, to let him get through fast, to let him get to the loft, to let him get to Alec. His mind was on overdrive, not thinking straight, not comprehending really what he was doing. Maybe it was wrong, maybe it was right, but he felt deep down that he was being the best _parabatai_that he could be to Alec. His heart told him, right underneath the rune which tied them together. He ran desperately into the warehouse, smashing in with an opening rune without bothering to ring for Bane – he didn't deserve that – and scrambled clumsily up the stairs. He crashed desperately into the loft, his mind screaming in panic at the sight he saw unfurling before him.

Magnus and Alec were locked in an embrace on the couch and kissing passionately.

…

Alec stared into Magnus's eyes for a few moments before smashing his lips back into his… his boyfriends'. Magnus had taken him back. Magnus had apologized and told him he wanted him back. Hell, he had told him he should never have let him go. The thought made Alec's heart burst with happiness. He wrapped his arms around Magnus, circling his waist, as the other man kissed him back with equal desperation. He drew back for a moment, looking into Alec's eyes with an enchanting twinkle that made him look nineteen, not eight hundred.

"I love you so much Alexander Lightwood."

He crushed Alec against him and they locked together once more, just enjoying the feeling of being entirely the others again, not having the pain of separation, and just being together. They were so absorbed in each other that they barely noticed the crashing as it grew louder and louder, until the door to the apartment practically burst off of its hinges. Even then they barely looked up. They didn't want to. They couldn't. They had been waiting for what had felt like forever to be happy, what had felt like forever to just forget the hardship. Then Alec felt himself being wrenched away from Magnus, strong hands circling his wrists and drawing him back. He swirled around angrily to find an equally furious Jace. He pushed the other boy away.

"Jace, what do you think you are doing?!"

"Saving you from him!" Jace pointed a finger viciously at Magnus.

"I don't need saving from Magnus, you idiot!" Magnus came up by his side, grabbing his hand firmly.

"Are you stupid Alec?! He made you… Alec, you tried to commit suicide because of him! You tried to end your life because of how much he hurt you! Of course you need saving! That, that _demon_ nearly destroyed you! And he's probably going to do it again!"

"We have talked! We have gotten over everything, and we have gotten back together! We have both accepted each other's faults, and you should have seen the state he was in, Jace, he has been just as torn up as me!

"What brilliant acting! What a brilliant way to deceive you!"

"I am happy, can't you see Jace! This is where I want to be!"

"How long will you be here, Alec? How long until he does this again for the thrill? How long until he kills you?! _How long, _Alec?!"

"What is your problem, Jace?!"

"He is a _demon, _Alec, a _demon_!"

"No he is not! Jace, what the hell is wrong with you?!"

Then something weird happened. Something awful. Jace hung his head, and then shaking looked back up at him, his eyes unfocussed, dazed, and scared. Jace was never scared, not even fighting the worst demons, seeing his friends nearly die, and nearly dying himself. There was only one thing that Alec knew of that could possibly spark that sort of panic in Jace, that fear, that hopelessness. Insanity. Jace was only scared of losing himself, losing what he was, losing his mind. Jace was terrified that he was losing his mind. And maybe he was, because the stuff he was spouting, the stuff he had been spouting for the past he didn't know how long had not been the sort of thing the Jace he had known would have said. Basically, he was acting weird, very weird. It was awfully unnerving. Alec stepped forward to place his hand on Jace's shoulder, but the boy backed away.

"Jace, I…I…"

"I'm sorry, Alec." He said quietly. "I, I have to go. Goodbye."

Jace stormed out. He had paled dramatically. Magnus turned back to Alec after he had left.

"What in this dimension was that?" Alec shrugged.

"I don't know, and I don't care. All I care about at the moment is you." He was lying, but he didn't want Magnus to worry. "Jace gets like this sometimes. It's nothing to worry about. He'll get over it." His boyfriend looked doubtful, but didn't press matters further.

Magnus pressed his forehead and nose to Alec's. This was what they had always done in those romantic moments that Alec had grown to love, when nothing mattered but the two of them and the love they shared. Maybe the future wasn't broken at all. Maybe it was brighter, more exciting, more everything that Alec wanted after Magnus had taught him to love, and taught him to live. Magnus was his saving grace. And to be honest, he couldn't believe for one second that Magnus's father was a prince of hell, because to Alec he was an angel. Magnus twitched his lip up.

"Come on darling. Let's go read the thousand pages left in the book that is our life."

…

**_I think this is where this story ends. But I am not sure that it is the end. R&R, let me know if you want a sequel, because I have a few ideas…_**

**_Lu xxx_**


	8. Epilogue - Leaving

_**Okay, an epilogue that will lead on to hopefully a sequel, that is why there is a loose end. Also, I may re-upload chapter 7 with a bit more bulk as I personally think it is a bit fast paced. Enjoy!**_

* * *

Jace had known as soon as he had seen Alec with Magnus, fingers woven together and smiles plastered obviously on their faces, that there was something wrong with him. It had seemed like what he was thinking was so right, absolutely right, but now his heart and mind was screaming that he had been wrong, that Magnus and Alec should be together. But something else told him it was wrong, that Alec shouldn't be with one of the devil. It felt like this hatred which he in turn hated was burning through him, coursing through his very blood, repelling him and brainwashing him against anything from the demon dimension. It explained why he had been fighting demons with such force, such enthusiasm, this newfound hatred. But Jace had no idea where it had come from, why it had come for him, what it was; anything. It just choked through him, not failing in the burning feelings it produced. It was terrifying, it was confusing, and Jace wanted rid of it. But how when he had no idea what it was? Where would he go for help, for answers? He didn't know who to trust, he had just turned his _parabatai _away from him. He had surely made Izzy hate him for nearly destroying Alec the second time – she had seemed pretty pissed when she had called, announcing that she was going for a walk to clear her head and apply some control anger runes. He had nowhere to go, nowhere to stay where he wasn't hated. He had nowhere. He had no one. Maybe it was him that should have received the Mark, not Simon. It appeared that he was now the one cursed to be a wanderer and a fugitive.

He sauntered back along the road and into the Institute, barely acknowledging the gates swinging open and the massive doors allowing him entrance. It was eerily quiet as he made his way towards the bird-cage of an elevator, his footsteps ringing out in the awful quietness. It was dark as well. It felt almost as if Jace was walking to his doom, candles flickering around him and dripping hot wax as he stumbled forward. By the Angel this was bad. Jace Herondale never stumbled. He finally made it to the elevator, slamming the cage-like door shut. It made the place feel like a prison. He jumped out as soon as it had creaked to a halt, hurtling into his room – old room – at an impossible speed, throwing some of his favourite clothes, all of his weapons, photos of himself, his family, Clary, and all other precious things into a massive duffel bag. He swung it over his shoulder and left the room without looking back, without leaving any note or indication as to where he was headed, and before he knew it he was leaving the New York Institute, the place he had called home for years, with no intention of going back and inflicting further pain on those he loved. He would not let any who had loved him die because of his faults. He couldn't. It could be avoided, he could fix things, and he sure as hell was going to.

The cold air of night time hit him as he left, but it didn't bother him. It drifted over his body like a wave, but he just felt himself warm up, as if there was something sparking his heart, making it beat stronger, faster, yet longer lasting. I was odd, and Jace wasn't entirely sure he liked it. It made him feel even less human, even more disconnected, even more desperate. He wanted to escape the feeling, numb it, destroy it, but somehow he knew that he couldn't, that it was an integral part of him now, and that it could only be gone with the help of someone else. But who? Why? What was going on with him? So many questions whirling around his brain and no answers, not anywhere, with no way to find them out. The only way was to run from the truth, even though the truth would go with him. What he would be escaping would be facing the truth, because he wouldn't have to accept the change if there was no one he cared about that would be affected, or would highlight it with his reaction to their actions. Izzy wouldn't follow, he was sure. She would be too wrapped up in Simon, recently the vampire had meant more to her than him. Clary wouldn't be able to follow, her parents would forbid it. Maryse was too preoccupied with the divorce, by the time she knew he would have been gone so long they would have given up. Alec and Magnus were the issue. Alec would never give up, and Alec would never let Magnus leave his side, and Magnus never would go anywhere other than where Alec was. This was their strength, but it was their weakness. It was Jace's only way of protecting them and protecting himself from the awful hatred that lurked inside now. And though it broke his heart to make the decision, it was a decision that had to be made.

It took him minutes to perform a spell that would prevent tracking. Sebastian had taught him how to do so, and although he hated the demon it was admittedly useful. The spell would be permanent until Jace decided to remove it, if at all. He would be safe for the rest of his days, no matter how prolonged or numbered they were, and that was what he needed, even if he did not want it. Otherwise, he felt like he wouldn't be able to exist. Once the spell was complete, Jace shrugged his favourite jacket on; pulling it close against the biting cold that was finally affecting him. He hoped it would be enough – he had a long journey ahead of him, a very draining one in more than the literal sense. He strapped the duffel securely to the back of his motorbike – the one that didn't run on demon energies, the one that allowed him to ride both day and night – pausing for a moment to slot another seraph blade into his belt, just to be sure, and then he soared off into the night, southwards, into his new future.

Jace was not the first in this line with this condition, and only the first could give the cure.

* * *

_**There you are. This epilogue is meant to lead to a sequel, which will feature Malec.**_

_**The sequel (first chapter) is up. It is called Searching For. For all you wonderful people out there, some hopefully cute Malec bits Maybe. Anyway, please check it out! And review! Reviews give me the will to live! **_

_**Lu xxx**_


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